


She or me?

by AuraMedusa



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Gaku is an idiot (so canon too), GakuTsumu unrequited love (so basically canon), Getting Back Together, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Suffering, Tenn is sick of Gaku's cheating, this has a good end now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26549581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuraMedusa/pseuds/AuraMedusa
Summary: Tenn is sick of Gaku cheating on him by flirting with Tsumugi. He gives Gaku a last chance.Gaku makes the wrong choice.Will it destroy their relationship or are they able to overcome their problems? And at what price?
Relationships: Kujou Ten/Yaotome Gaku
Comments: 15
Kudos: 30





	1. One Last Chance

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, this is my first _almost_ sad ending fic. (Well, it had a sad ending before I added a second chapter.) Normally I'm not someone who writes that much angst, but I really felt like writing this one.  
> Especially since TRIGGER refused to come home in their Anni and I wasted over 700 stones and 30 tickets on them without getting any of their UR cards. ;-; This was kinda a compensation.
> 
> Note: Non-native speaker, sorry for any mistakes.  
> Enjoy! (the pain...)

“Gaku, if you leave this room to meet that girl, it’s over!”

The voice of TRIGGER’s center was as cold as steel.

He knew exactly what was going on behind his back.

Even after they’d started dating Gaku was still interested in IDOLiSH7’s manager, meeting with her, flirting with her, and Tenn couldn’t take it anymore.

It was destroying him from inside.

Every time Gaku made comments about her that were clearly beyond simple friendship, Tenn asked himself what he could do to get the same attention from his _boyfriend_.

But he was slowly giving up.

_He never loved me as much as her in the first place._

_He will never love me more than her._

_I was just a substitute because he can’t have her._

The realization hurt.

It was so painful, Tenn just wanted to run away and sort out his feelings alone instead of having this conversation. But there was no going back now.

“Tenn, it’s not like that, I —“

“I don’t need your excuses!!”

Tenn’s shout was louder than intended, but it served its purpose in shutting the other man up instantly.

He took a deep breath to calm himself down. However, he couldn’t stop his hands from clenching into fists.

“I give you this last chance. Either you finally give up chasing after her, or it’s over between us... _Everything._ ”

…

There was a pause where neither of them said a word.

They just stared at each other.

Shocked silver eyes meeting cold fuchsia.

“What do you mean… everything?” Gaku asked carefully, an uneasy feeling creeping up his spine.

“I mean it like I said it.” Tenn stated emotionless.

And before Gaku could press him any further or leave before him, Tenn marched out of the room and slammed the door.

* * *

The next day, Tenn went to TRIGGER’s dressing room early. He wanted to meet up with Ryuu alone. And Gaku always came later than everyone else.

At least that way he had time to cover the dark circles under his eyes with make-up.

It had been a long night for him.

Tenn had been texting with Riku in the evening, only to find out that Gaku had indeed met up with Tsumugi again, like Tenn had expected.

But even if he had been prepared for this outcome, it still hurt.

_He chose her over me again._

_Even with the knowledge that he’d lose me._

Tenn had been lying awake for hours, rolling from one side to the other and crying into his pillow. Only in the late morning he had been exhausted enough to pass out.

He hadn’t just been crying over Gaku’s betrayal, but also about the decision he’d made himself.

It had been the hardest decision in his life.

Even harder than leaving his brother behind, because at least he had known back then that it was the best for Riku’s health.

This time he had to make the choice for his own sake.

And he felt selfish for that.

_Creak._

Suddenly, the door to the dressing room opened and Tenn spun around.

But he instantly relaxed when he saw it was Ryuu.

“Good morning, Tenn.” Ryuu greeted with a smile on his face like always.

Great, now Tenn felt even more guilty.

He avoided Ryuu’s eyes as the other closed the door and sat down on a chair next to him.

“It’s unusual for you to call me in this early. What did you want to talk about?”

…

Tenn remained silent, searching for the right words, preparing himself for what he had to say.

“Tenn?” The smile vanished from Ryuu’s face when he became aware of the gloomy atmosphere around his friend.

Now that he could get a closer look at their youngest member, he noticed that his eyes were red.

“Tenn, did you cry?”

Ryuu reached out to place a hand on Tenn’s shoulder, when —

“I’m leaving TRIGGER.”

Ryuu froze, his hand still hanging in the air.

Several seconds passed where nothing happened.

It was as if time itself had been frozen.

Then the scene slowly came back to life.

“W-w-w-what??” Ryuu stammered out, not believing what he had just heard.

“Y-you can’t be serious? T-this is just a joke, right? Is there a camera hidden somewhere in this room?” Ryuu looked around frantically, clearly starting to panic.

“Ryuu…” Tenn’s voice was quiet and sad. It made Ryuu’s head snap back to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m serious, and nothing can change my mind.”

“B-but why, Tenn!?” Ryuu sounded desperate.

Tenn knew he was about to cry, and he wished he wouldn’t be the one hurting his friend. His own heart clenched in pain as he continued.

“I gave Gaku an ultimatum. This is the result. I can’t sing together with someone I can’t trust… I’m sorry that you’re dragged into this as well.”

Tenn stood up from his seat and walked away from Ryuu, not daring to look at him.

“I… wanted to let you know before I leave. You deserve at least this much.”

By now Ryuu was rendered speechless. He just sat there staring at Tenn’s back in shock. His thoughts were going around in circles.

_This is a dream. A nightmare. I... I just have to wake up._

But he wasn’t waking up because this was _real_.

“We can stay in touch, Ryuu. Just… for now I need some distance.”

Tenn reached the door, his hand already on the handle.

“I’m sorry… _Goodbye._ ”

And with that he left.

The moment the door closed, Ryuu’s brain started working again.

“ _TENN!!!_ ”

But it was too late.

When he stormed out of the room, the hallway was already empty.

* * *

At the same time, Gaku made his way to TRIGGER’s dressing room and ran into Tenn who was just on his way out.

He wanted to speak up, to say something, _anything._ He wanted to ask why Tenn was leaving in the opposite direction.

But the words died in his throat.

He wanted to reach out, to grab Tenn by his arm and stop him.

But his own arms felt as if they were glued to his sides.

If the boy saw him, he ignored him. His head hung low and his gaze was fixated to the ground as he hurried past him.

Gaku whirled around to watch his center leave through the front doors.

And at that moment Gaku got the dreadful feeling that he’d never see him again.

_Tenn…_

His steps were almost mechanical when he continued his way.

Gaku was still brooding about what had happened yesterday.

Tenn had warned him.

And he had gone to see Tsumugi despite that.

Like a moth attracted to light over and over again, unable to resist its instincts. Only to fly right into a flame one day.

And for Gaku this day had been yesterday.

He got turned down again and this time it seemed final.

_“I-I’m sorry, Gaku-san. I don’t think I should go on a date with an idol as long as I’m IDOLiSH7’s manager.”_

_“Y-you’re like a brother to me, I don’t want to cause you any trouble.”_

Dammit!

Gaku slammed his fist against the wall.

_I got brozoned…_

That was his ultimate defeat.

He looked up to realize he was standing right in front of their dressing room. And he had no idea when he got there.

Gaku shook his head and opened the door.

The first thing he noticed was the soft sobbing coming from inside.

And when he could finally see into the room, his heart sank.

Ryuu lay on the couch, curled up into a ball, and _cried_.

In an instant, Gaku rushed to his side.

“Ryuu! Ryuu, what happened? Why are you crying!?”

Gaku had never seen Ryuu this depressed before.

He carefully lifted him into a sitting position and Ryuu instantly wrapped his arms around Gaku, holding onto him like a lifeline.

“G-Gaku…!” Ryuu tried but started sobbing again.

“Shhh…” Gaku rubbed his friend’s back soothingly.

“It’s okay. I’m here now. Just tell me what’s going on?”

“I-it’s Tenn… He- he’s…”

Gaku’s blood ran cold and his heart leapt into his throat.

His gut feeling had already made him expect the worst when he had witnessed Tenn leaving, but he still wasn’t prepared for what came next.

“T-Tenn just left TRIGGER.”

Gaku’s mouth fell open and the scene from yesterday flashed before his eyes.

_“I give you this last chance. Either you finally give up chasing after her, or it’s over between us... Everything.”_

So, _that_ was what he had meant.

Not only had Gaku risked his relationship with Tenn by visiting Tsumugi. He had thrown _away ALL of their futures_.

Reality slowly sunk in, and before Gaku knew it his own tears were streaming down his face.

_I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I just- It was a mistake…_

But Tenn was gone.

And he could do nothing to bring him back.

Gaku pulled Ryuu even closer, resting his head on the older man’s shoulder.

A moment later the first sob went through his body and Gaku started crying openly, unable to hold his feelings back anymore.

“I- I’m sorry, R-Ryuu… It’s all my f-fault.”

_And I’m sorry, Tenn…_

Ryuu said nothing, he probably wasn’t able to anymore. He just buried his face deeper into Gaku’s chest and continued sobbing.

Two grown-up men crying their eyes out as if they had just lost their mother and didn’t know their way back home.

And Gaku suddenly realized that he had really lost _everything_.

His chance with Tsumugi.

The group he had been so proud of.

And most importantly.

The center of his life.

His angel.

The very person he had sworn to protect and to never let go.

And he would regret this one wrong choice for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhh. It was painful hurting my babies.  
> If you like sad ends, you can stop reading here. If you need to heal, read the next chapter. :>


	2. I need him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received a lot of feedback that a sequel, or a second chapter, to my short "She or me?" is needed.  
> And I finally finished my version of how this could play out.
> 
> You know. Destroying something is a lot easier than fixing it... _This took so long to write in comparison._  
>  Anyway, I tried to tie up the loose-ends as good as possible! Enjoy reading!
> 
> (I'm still not a native speaker; this is still not proofread by one. Sorry for any mistakes!)

Three weeks had passed since Tenn had disappeared.

After the initial shock and sadness, Gaku was angry.

Angry at Tenn for leaving without saying a single damn word, angry at himself for being this stupid. The only person he couldn’t be angry at was Ryuu, who was probably suffering the most.

Their ex-center had only packed the bare necessities and moved out immediately. 

When the other two had returned to the apartment, he was already gone without a trace.

And Ryuu didn’t even have the heart to clear out Tenn’s room, so he left it exactly the way it was.

Since then, Gaku had tried texting Tenn, but none of his messages got any reply, and he was pretty sure that Tenn had blocked him.

However, like Tenn had promised he was still staying in contact with Ryuu, exchanging messages occasionally.

The first two weeks, Ryuu had desperately tried to convince Tenn of coming back. But Tenn was ignoring all messages about TRIGGER or Gaku, so Ryuu had given up on that.

For Tenn, it was hard to text with Ryuu. It always reminded him of the things he had lost. Especially of _Gaku_. So, he kept their conversations short.

Even if he had made this decision himself... If he was honest, he _wanted_ to go back. He _missed_ them. Those were his feelings speaking. His rational mind told him he would’ve just got hurt again if he had stayed there.

And if he wanted to surpass ZERO one day, he couldn’t allow himself to be distracted by personal feelings all the time. He was probably better off alone anyway.

Or that’s what he told himself.

And yet, Tenn was still having sleepless nights. His guilty conscience plagued him and kept him awake. Even after he had left, hardly a night went by without him crying himself to sleep.

_Gaku… Why couldn’t you just choose me…?_

That was the question he asked himself every night, involuntarily, while he silently sobbed into his pillow.

If only Tenn knew that there wasn’t a single day when Gaku hadn’t thought of him since he had left.

Gaku could spend his days being depressed over the fact that he lost his chance with Tsumugi or thinking about his own future and how to continue from here. (There was also the problem that they’d still have to announce that TRIGGER had disbanded.)

But he didn’t.

All he could think about was how to bring Tenn back. 

And he would definitely not give up until he had achieved this goal.

* * *

It was Wednesday morning. Ryuu and Gaku sat at the kitchen table in their apartment and ate breakfast. While they were eating, Ryuu tried to read a newspaper (but honestly he was just staring at it), and Gaku was looking at his phone.

Both of them had become more quiet over the last weeks, always dwelling on their own thoughts and forgetting about their surroundings.

So Ryuu was all the more surprised when Gaku suddenly addressed him.

"..."

"Ryuu."

Ryuu jumped and nearly fell off his chair. Then he caught himself and straightened his back before looking at Gaku. He flushed red when their eyes met, ashamed of his own nervous reaction.

"Y-yes…?"

Gaku would normally laugh, but instead he frowned, his voice serious.

"Tenn is ignoring me. Are you still in contact with him?"

Ryuu stiffened and held his breath. 

He hadn't told Gaku about his chats with Tenn, because he had feared that his hot-headed friend might persuade him to deliver a message. (And Ryuu would've had a hard time saying no to that.) 

And it was highly likely that Tenn would block him too after that. And then none of them could contact him anymore...

Of course, Gaku would ask if Ryuu had more luck than him though. He should've prepared an excuse for this. But it hadn't crossed his mind.

Gaku watched Ryuu, waiting for an answer.

When the older man didn't react, he put two and two together.

"Ryuu. You hesitated too long and your body language is telling me that you're hiding something." Gaku leaned over the table, staring at Ryuu like a leopard at its prey.

"So Tenn _is_ still writing with _you_ , correct?"

"U-umm… You see… It's not that I- I mean we don't… and he…!" Ryuu searched for words trying to get out of this dilemma. But he never had been a good liar, especially not under Gaku's eyes.

He had to accept his defeat.

"Yes…" Ryuu sighed and looked down.

There was a moment of silence.

Then Gaku's eyes lit up.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner!? That's perfect!"

Ryuu's shoulders slumped slightly.

"Gaku… If you want to use me to give Tenn a message, I don't think that's…"

Gaku's face fell again. "Oi, are you my friend or not? Do you want Tenn back or not?!"

"That's not fair, of course I— !"

"Then help me with this! I promise that you won't regret it. You don't even have to tell him something in my name," Gaku added as if he could read Ryuu's thoughts.

"Please! I can't live like this anymore... I know I've made a mistake. _But so did he._ And I want to fix this. _I need him_ ." Gaku was _begging_. And he failed miserably at keeping the desperation out of his voice.

It pained Ryuu to hear his friend so frustrated, pleading with him as if he was his only hope. 

He probably was.

Gaku put his phone down on the table and inched closer to Ryuu. "Just tell him that you miss him and want to meet with him. Then I accompany you and we'll talk this out, okay?"

Ryuu bit his lip. He really wanted to get Tenn back. And he wanted to help Gaku, too. It was almost unbearable to see his friends suffer that much without being any help.

But Gaku's plan sounded too optimistic, and Ryuu had his doubts.

"Do you really think that will work? What if he doesn't want to meet me yet… And if he won't talk to you? Or if he sees you and runs away…?"

Gaku patted Ryuu on his shoulder reassuringly.

"First… If it's still the Tenn I know, he'll meet with you. He probably feels guilty for dragging you into this and hurting you. And if you say you miss him, he’ll give in."

Yes, now that Ryuu thought about it Tenn _had_ said something similar to him before he had left.

"Second… I'll make him talk. I will not leave him alone until he has talked to me! And third… I'll take care of everything else as well. _Trust me_."

The confidence in Gaku's voice convinced Ryuu. Well, he hadn't much to lose. If there was even a tiny chance that they'd get their friend back, he had to take it.

Ryuu turned his head to meet Gaku's eyes, his own now sparkling with determination.

"Okay. I will do it."

* * *

Tenn made his way along one of the many beaches in Okinawa where he had agreed on meeting Ryuu. It was a good thing he had some free time now, otherwise the three hours flight would have been out of proportion.

But he understood why Ryuu chose this place as their meeting spot. 

The time in Okinawa seemed to go by slower than in the rest of Japan. Somehow, life felt easier here.

The calming atmosphere was very welcome.

Because if he was honest, Tenn was feeling uneasy about seeing Ryuu again after they had parted with his declaration of leaving. 

He was nervous. 

He didn't know what Ryuu expected from their meeting. Tenn hoped his friend really just missed him and wanted to spend time with him. Maybe that way Tenn could atone for hurting him. 

But what if Ryuu wanted to talk about… everything? What if he still wanted to convince him to come back? Or if he talked about Gaku?

Tenn couldn't handle any more pain. 

He shook his head to clear it of all the negative thoughts and continued his way.

A mild breeze ruffled his hair and his gaze drifted to the beach where children ran around, playing. One of them reminded him of Riku. It brought a smile to his face.

What might his brother be doing right now? 

Tenn hasn't communicated with him recently. He had feared the conversation would digress to TRIGGER and that Riku would notice something was wrong. Tenn didn't want to unnecessarily worry his brother.

But now he felt the urge to write to him, so that he had at least one person he could confide in. _Maybe I'll write Riku when I get back._

Without realizing it, Tenn had arrived at his destination. He halted in front of a beach bar and looked around. _Ryuu said he wanted to meet me outside._

And after a few minutes of walking around the building and keeping a lookout for Ryuu, Tenn finally spotted his friend sitting on a bench with his back to him. He immediately recognized the tall silhouette standing out, even when Ryuu was sitting.

Tenn gulped. 

Suddenly, his legs felt heavy like lead. How would Ryuu react to seeing him again? Would he be mad? Would he scold him? Tenn certainly deserved it... 

What should he say? Why was he only now thinking of a possible conversation starter…?

All these questions flashed through his mind, preventing his muscles from moving. But he couldn't back out now. 

With the utmost effort Tenn forced his legs to continue their way until he arrived at Ryuu's side. 

A deep breath.

"Hey…"

With a jolt Ryuu’s head shot in his direction. His eyes lit up when he saw who greeted him.

“Tenn!!” In the blink of an eye Ryuu was on his feet and pulled Tenn into a suffocating hug. “I’m so happy that you came! I missed you _so much!_ ”

There it was again… the twinge of guilt.

Tenn didn’t move. He had expected Ryuu to be mad, and not to welcome him with open arms.

“Y-yes… I missed you, too.” Tenn finally forced out, against the lump in his throat.

He returned the hug hesitantly. 

Of course, Tenn was glad that Ryuu didn’t seem to be mad, but something didn’t feel right about this.

 _Because we haven’t talked about anything that happened…_ And yet, it was still hanging in the air between them.

But Ryuu didn’t make any move to address the elephant in the room.

“Let’s walk a little!” He suggested. An arm around Tenn’s shoulder pulled him along towards the beach.

They didn’t talk. Not even small talk. No _“How have you been doing recently?”_ or anything at all.

They just walked side by side along the beach. The rhythmic sound of the ocean waves was the only thing breaking the silence.

Tenn wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

On one hand, he was relieved Ryuu wasn’t forcing him to talk. On the other hand, it was awkward to act as if nothing had happened between them. 

And with every step, Tenn felt a rising pressure to speak up himself, just to break this awkwardness.

When Tenn glanced up at Ryuu however, he noticed that his friend was looking around nervously. As if he expected something to happen at any moment.

 _Strange…_ Tenn looked around himself, but he didn’t see anything of interest.

It wasn’t until they passed a small area of trees and bushes that he figured out what caused Ryuu to be this tense.

A rustling behind them was all the warning he got.

  
  


“Tenn…”

  
  


_This voice!_

Tenn’s whole body froze. 

His heart was suddenly hammering inside his chest.

_No, this can’t be. It must have been my imagination._

He didn’t dare to turn around. Instead, his eyes fixated on Ryuu who had turned to look at something behind Tenn, a worried expression on his face.

_No…_

_No, don’t tell me…_

_Please…_

He made a step forward, towards Ryuu, away from the possible threat.

“Tenn…!” The voice was louder this time, demanding his attention.

Tenn winced. And against his better judgement, he slowly turned around to face the one person he had planned to never see again in his life.

Gaku stood maybe two meters away from him, too close for comfort.

And when Tenn took a step back, Gaku came closer. 

Tenn backed away until he bumped into Ryuu’s front.

Shocked, he looked up at the tall man, who only smiled at him apologetically. And then it dawned on Tenn.

_Traitor..._

Ryuu had lured him to this place, only to join forces with Gaku. And Tenn hadn’t suspected anything, because he had _trusted_ Ryuu. 

But in the end he was on his own…

Tenn’s thoughts were racing, his instincts debating if he should fight or flight.

Everything went so fast.

Gaku had closed the distance between them in seconds and the next thing Tenn saw was his hand reaching out, his fingertips only a millimeter away—

_“DON’T TOUCH ME!!”_

Tenn screamed at the top of his lungs, startling both men.

Gaku drew his hand back as if he had burned it. The words and Tenn avoiding any eye contact made his heart ache. 

“ _Tenn…_ ”

 _I can’t do this…_ Tenn thought and in a quick movement he ducked away and started running. _I have to get away from here..._

Gaku and Ryuu stared after him dumbstruck. But it didn’t take long for Gaku to regain his composure.

“Ryuu, wait here!” Gaku shouted back, already chasing after Tenn.

\---

Tenn didn't know where he was running to, but it didn't matter. As long as it was far away from the man that had hurt him so much. 

Seeing Gaku only brought all the feelings back that he'd tried so hard to forget. 

_Why did he come here in the first place…? What does he want?_

Tenn gasped for air. His lungs burned from the sudden sprint, and he felt how his legs became weaker, making him run slower.

But then he heard the sound of someone running behind him, coming closer.

"Tenn! Wait up!!"

 _Shit_. Why did this guy have to be so persistent?

Tenn's adrenaline kicked in even more, making it possible for him to run at full speed again, despite his exhaustion. 

But Gaku was still coming closer.

Tenn cursed his short legs.

His whole mind was focused on escaping his pursuer.

And yet, he was too slow, too weakened.

" _AGH!_ " 

Something had wrapped itself around Tenn's wrist, suddenly yanking him back and bringing him to a halt.

He didn't have to look back to know what it was.

"Let… go of… me...!" Tenn gasped between heavy breaths. He thrashed around, trying to squirm out of Gaku's grip. 

"No. We have to talk." Gaku said determinedly. 

Instead of answering, Tenn continued struggling and Gaku almost lost his grip on him.

"Stop struggling so much, geez!" 

Without any warning, Gaku pulled Tenn flat to his chest, so he could wrap his arms around the smaller boy, holding him in place safely, _trapping him_. 

Tenn flinched. He was very uncomfortable at the sudden closeness. But no matter how much he squirmed, he couldn't get out of Gaku's hold now.

After a few more attempts, Tenn's struggling ceased. He could neither fight nor flee in this position. 

There was no escape. 

As a result his body went limp. The only indicator that he was still alive was his heavy breathing.

Gaku let out a deep sigh before he sank to the ground in exhaustion. He sat down on the beach's sand, the unmoving Tenn in his lap.

“God, you’re a pain, you know that!?” 

That’s when Gaku noticed Tenn was shaking. It wasn’t strong. He probably wouldn’t have noticed, if he wasn’t holding Tenn. But it was there, and it made a cold shiver run down Gaku’s spine.

“... Tenn? A-are you… scared of me...?” 

Tenn didn’t answer. But Gaku felt him tense up under his hands.

Gaku let out a shaky breath. “Shit… I didn’t want things to go like this…”

They were silent for a while. 

The sound of the ocean was comforting, almost hypnotic. No wonder Ryuu loved being here. 

Tenn felt his tension slowly wash away, as if the waves were taking it with them. 

Gaku stared at the reflections on the water, thinking about how to proceed. He took it as a good sign that Tenn’s breathing calmed down along with his shaking. So he loosened his hold a little to give the other more space.

Tenn noticed, but made no more attempts to run away. He knew it was useless.

_Now or never, I guess._

“Tenn, listen… I know I made a mistake. I should’ve realized sooner how much my behavior hurt you...“ Gaku paused, giving Tenn a chance to interrupt. When he didn’t Gaku sighed and continued.

“Even when you screamed at me, I just thought you were exaggerating. You know… You _can_ be a bit of a drama queen sometimes.” Another pause. “And it’s not like I can stop seeing Tsu- … _Takanashi-san…_ We’re business partners after all.”

Tenn moved at that. He shifted in Gaku’s lap until he could face him. He wanted to see the other's reaction with his own eyes. 

Then he finally spoke up in a small voice. “Do you have any idea how much it hurts to witness the person you love making eyes at someone else again and _again_??”

Gaku flinched. 

“No…I don’t,” He admitted. “But Tenn, I wouldn’t have agreed on dating you, if I didn’t love you.”

“But you never gave me as much attention as her. _You love her more…_ ” Tenn felt tears sting in his eyes and lowered his head to hide them. “ _I- I was just a substitute this whole time!_ ”

Gaku stared at Tenn in disbelief. _So that’s how he was feeling._ Maybe the others were right when they called Gaku an idiot, because right now he truly felt like one.

“Oh Tenn… that’s not…” 

Gaku reached out with his hand, but then he hesitated, remembering what had happened the last time he tried touching the boy. 

No. Making Tenn feel better was worth the risk.

Screwing up his courage, Gaku placed his hand gently on top of Tenn’s head. 

It took a load off his mind when Tenn didn’t protest in any way. 

“It isn’t that I don’t want to give you attention. But it always feels like you’re pushing me away when I try. So I wanted to give you more space.” Gaku let out an awkward laugh. “Guess that backfired on me, huh…”

Tenn noticed how he was getting calmer the longer they talked. _Did I misunderstand his actions...?_ Gaku’s hand resting on his head started to feel warm and familiar, not like a threat anymore. 

But Tenn wasn’t convinced yet. He bit his lip. “You still went to see her…”

“Yes… And I don’t have any excuse for that,” Gaku admitted truthfully. “But I have given up on her for good. To be honest, I think I already did ages ago. I just wasn’t certain of it yet.”

Tenn looked up, surprised. He had expected to hear anything but that. "What do you mean…? Why did you still visit her then…?"

Gaku looked off into the distance. "I wonder… Maybe I just needed her to put the final nail in the coffin, so I could let go."

"What? You're telling me you finally received a straight out rejection…?"

"Well, the closest she could get to that."

"... did she friendzone you?"

Gaku made a face. "I'm a big bro…"

Tenn looked at Gaku closely for the first time on this day. His eyes searched his face curiously, making Gaku a bit uncomfortable under his gaze.

And then Tenn let out a soft chuckle. 

"Oi! That's not funny…!" Gaku complained. 

That made Tenn chuckle even more, until he was openly laughing. 

He didn't understand why he was reacting like that. But the more he laughed, the more he was relieved of the stress that had been building up in him over the past few weeks.

"My failures seem to be such a joy for you," Gaku muttered after Tenn had recovered from his laughing fit. "I'm glad though… to hear you laugh like this again. I really missed that." 

Tenn looked up in time to see Gaku smile at him fondly before he reached out to ruffle his pinkish hair, making Tenn blush.

It pulled Tenn back to reality. 

“Seeing you talk to her, smile at her, make her compliments again and again… _It hurt so much..._ ” Tenn clasped one hand over his heart and squeezed his eyes shut. The memory alone brought back all the pain he’d tried to forget.

“I understand that now. I’m sorry…” Gaku pulled Tenn to his chest and rested his chin on top of Tenn’s head with a sigh. “You know what hurt me the most though?”

Tenn shook his head the best he could. “Being rejected for the nth time?”

“You—!” Gaku groaned. But then he laughed softly, relieved that Tenn was getting back to his usual self. 

“No, if I’m honest… It was frustrating to be rejected like that again. But… it didn’t hurt much? It was as if my feelings for her had already dulled long ago. My brain just needed a reason to accept it.”

Tenn hummed in response, urging Gaku to continue.

“What hurt me the most was finding out from a crying Ryuu that _you_ left. That you didn’t even say one word of goodbye to me.” Gaku’s voice wavered. Even if he tried to stay cool, he had suffered just as much since they had parted.

“The thought that I’d never see you again… It was… _unbearable_.” Gaku tightened his hold on Tenn, as if he was afraid the boy would just suddenly disappear.

At that moment, Tenn realized that all of this had been a big misunderstanding and that both of them had made stupid mistakes.

“I guess… we’re both idiots,” he mumbled.

“Damn right…”

They sat in silence for a while. Both of them needed to process what had been said.

Gaku was the first to speak up again.

“Say, Tenn… I want us to have another chance together. But if you hate me after everything that happened--”

“Idiot!” Tenn interrupted him. “Do you know how hard I tried to forget you? But I couldn’t… because I… I still _love you_.”

Gaku felt his heart start pounding at those words. He was pretty sure Tenn could hear it with his head still nestled against his chest. “I love you, too. And I thought about you every day since you left. I could _never_ forget about you, Tenn.”

Tenn whimpered. It hurt to hear Gaku say these passionate words after the suffering he had endured the past weeks. 

However, deep inside him, something began to heal.

“I… want to have another chance, too. But… I don’t know if I’m ready yet.” Tenn said in a soft voice, burying his face in the crook of Gaku’s neck.

“That’s okay. We can take it slow,” Gaku reassured him and moved his hand to the back of Tenn’s head to gently stroke his hair. “ _Thank you._ ”

\---

They didn’t know how much time had passed when they suddenly heard a familiar voice. 

“Oh, there you are!” Ryuu had worried since neither of them was coming back, so he had followed them.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw how close they were sitting. “U-umm… am I interrupting something?”

“No. We finished talking,” Gaku answered.

That was not what Ryuu had meant, but he didn’t correct his friend. 

“So…?” Ryuu looked at them nervously, unsure if it was okay for him to ask how their talk went.

However, Gaku just gave him a reassuring smile. 

Ryuu waited for Tenn to speak up, and he almost cried tears of relief hearing his words.

“Let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> Btw, I'd like to invite you to a new public TRIGGER OT3/TRG3P Discord server.  
> There's a corner for **GakuTenn** , RyuuTenn and RyuuGaku as well, if you like to focus on a certain pairing. (Like me, because I love GakuTenn's dynamic SO MUCH, but I also love all 3 of them together. <3)  
> We talk about other IDOLiSH7 stuff (game, anime, story, etc.) and other characters as well, plus there's room to share artworks or to roleplay a little (short style).  
> Since it's a new server I'm searching for people who'd like to talk about this ship/these ships with someone who equally loves them. :> Feel free to drop by, if you're interested! Public discord link: [TRIGGAY](http://discord.gg/XgrdV4b7e7)


End file.
